Be
Fearless
It all started with my name, he named
me Dhruti, which itself meant the fearless, courageous and determined. When I
was about 3 years old and we lived for a short time in Haldwani, that’s where I
was unconsciously taught to be fearless of animals, bugs and surprisingly even
snakes. My dad`s favourite recollection of that time is of me telling everyone
that I could kill the snake. Growing up too I was taught to speak my mind. I don't recollect being frightened to say anything to anyone including my teachers, if I was right. Of course I did have night mares like maths which I hate
My Dad was determined to make me believe in my self and perhaps make goals. He insisted I spend my 10th standard summer holidays with my uncle and aunt in USA. He was keen that I see the world and see for myself the place I should go and study in. He wanted me to be fearless and independent and learn do things on my own. Unfortunately at age 15, I don’t think I had any resolve of doing anything or thinking or imagining my future the way my dad did. In that American summer holiday, I was just happy going for day visits to schools, colleges with my cousins, uncle and aunts friends who were professors or their children who were in higher school. My uncle tried to get me to the internet, it was a dial-up and this is where I tried to spend the whole day searching for things that I didn’t need. It was just another way of passing time. The rest of the time I enjoyed chittar –chattar between the grandparents and going to Kroger and watching television. Of course at that time I never realized, how lucky I was to get this kind of exposure to the world.
When I returned from that holiday, it
was time to start college. I took up Arts, because that is what I
was interested in. The first day that I went to college, I was truly
heartbroken as I did not even have a single friend in college. I remember
coming home and crying. From being a popular person in school, I was just roll
no 47 in Mithibhai College. That’s when my Dad said, “My daughter is not
someone who has tears like this. It took you at least 10-12 years to be a super
star in school, you need to figure out what you have to do to turn around this
situation. I am confident you can do it “ .
The first few weeks in college
were not easy, but I did speak to one girl who seemed quiet and she too didn’t
have any friends. That was a starting point. Then I got involved in
every activity I could, whether it was Rotaract, NSS, Mounteering club. I
attended national youth conferences. I was ok in studies, counted
among the students who never bunked class. And in a few months life was on a
roll. I had new friends to pester and new experiences to share. Then
when I completed my junior college, I was awarded Best Student of the year. I
don’t think it struck me then, but now when I look back, I realize, it was my
dad who pushed me and indirectly told me that if wanted
I could turn around my circumstances and win over any situation.
After that I was this unstoppable girl,
as a part of Rotaract I travelled to different parts of Bombay and
outskirts often alone, often late at night and I never feared anything. In fact
my resolve to challenge the wrong was so much that I even tried to raise a
conflict with a head of an organization in an open forum, as I thought he was
wasting our money. I was also fortunate to work with a PR consultant and
got an opportunity to work with brands like AND. I worked with
her after college hours and infect one summer I managed the office and
clients when she was not around. I often cribbed about not being
able to go watch movies and have fun like my friends did after college. My dad
just said one thing, watching movies will not get you anywhere, but what you
are doing might be tough for you now, but you don’t even know how it will help
you in the future. At that time I took it a sermon, but he was so right.
Accept
your failures and learn from them
I remember when I was in college and my Dad was going through a
tough time with his work. He had an ambitious agro nature project and
unfortunately he made a few wrong decisions, trusting people, going by what he
thought would work, not doing proper paper work and things then didn’t work out
in his favour. That must have really saddened him, but in spite of that I still
recollect him telling mom and me “Success has many fathers, but failure has none, had
everything gone right and project was successful, everyone would have been full
of praises. I couldn’t believe that my hero dad could go wrong. It was
unbelievable how he confessed about the wrong decisions he had taken. I was in
tears when he completed his story. So courageously he told me “ I am not
sharing this with you to make you feel sad, but I want you to learn from my
mistakes don’t commit such mistakes yourself. Some lessons of life that we
learn are expensive ‘’
Don’t
give up.. Keep Re-inventing
My dad may have taken a few months to
come out of his project failure set back. His health wasn’t doing the best. But
he didn’t give up. He restarted at 43. He set up a catering business, which of
course was not easy, he had set backs in that too but slowly and steadily he
tried to grow the business and he did decently well with it. In fact when it
came to developing marketable unique food items, he would relentlessly
experiment until he was able to make the food item to perfection. In a time
when google was not available this was not an easy task.
Well my dad is someone who has dawned
many hats in his life time, starting from being a tour guide, entrepreneur selling artifacts, to jeans to
being a fashion designer, to taking up a crazy dress export order to a clothing
store and then trying to set up a jam factory in Haldwani, to being a
agriculture land broker.
Although it
was my dads dream, that he wanted my mom to run the catering business he has set up, as he thought it had a lot of potential. Unfortunately my mom was not interested. I made some
meagre attempts trying to get my mom an order to run school canteens by giving
a marketing proposal at the schools and colleges. But since nothing really
worked out, there was no way I could convince my mom to continue the catering
business, as she didn’t want to deal with the cooks and workers.
When things seems to be going well, my
Dad`s health started to deteriorate. He had a tough 5 years with his work and
everything. Then he had a stroke and had to be admitted in an emergency
to the hospital. He was quite serious and our doctor told me, he was not likely
to survive. However in spite of all the pain he was in in that ICU bed, it
didn’t stop him from telling me, that he did not want me and my mom to
lead our lives with sympathy or misery. He said I have taught you what I could and I
am confident that you will be able to face the world and conquer your goals and
ensure that your mother leads a happy independent life. Don’t expect anything from any one. This is
your battle.
Anyone who knew my Dad, would vouch for
the fact he loved to spread joy and happiness, whether it was through his words
or his gesture.
I recollect a time when I was about 10
to 12 years old and I was pestering my dad to buy firecrackers for Diwali. I still remember what he told me. He said that instead
of spending your money on fire crackers, why don’t we go and buy sweets and
gifts for children in the village in Maharashtra that he was working in. The
fire cracker will make sound create pollution and barely make you happy for a
second but imagine the happiness you will give those kids. That memory is still
live in my head, the way the children ran to the school to get their Diwali gifts
was amazing and the happiness on their face was price less. From that day
onwards I have never lit a firecracker.
A few days before he passed away, he
was in the ICU, perhaps in a lot of pain with tons of wires tucked on his body
and countless injections been given by nurses, who he had jokingly named as
Dracullas. In that situation too, he was determined to thank the nursing staff,
that he made me get card paper and drew out a card wishing the staff a merry
xmas. Even in a critical situation in the ICU, he was positive and believed that
it was perhaps time for him to go and whatever god had decided was for the
best. There was no need to have regrets.
